When we feel enveloped in a sense of contentment or peace of mind, it is a strong amazingly gratifying experience. We can very nearly describe the feeling that lingers, but we can pinpoint the sensation as coming straight from deep inside, from the heart. We know which meaningful experieces impact our peace of mind and make life satisfying. Yet, what is it about happiness that makes it seem so elusive?
There are at least 21 misleading notions that can prevent you from recognizing or enjoying authentic happiness. You can learn about all of them by reading the entire break through article. Here are just 10. As you read each
one, think about where you place your emphasis.
Happiness is multidimensional and materializes through several facets of life unfolding over a lifetime. They do not always fit together at the same time. Take your career or a marriage as examples. They unfold over time and require sacrifice of other spur of the moment pleasures. You can put your energy into building a stellar career and accept that you will have fewer lazy days on the beach with friends. You may have to make choices and accept that as one aspect of your life increases in happiness another may not. One aspect of life that produces happiness may be your pursuit of learning or the meaningful things you do for others. Still another aspect might be how secure you feel in life, or how in control you feel. Your happiness may simply be the absence of aversive emotions or physical and psychological barriers to your well-being: stress, exhaustion, illness, injury, doubt, worry, or hyper-vigilance, fear, anger, frustration, despair, stress, exhaustion, illness, and injury. You might derive the most satisfaction from your connection to your family and friends.
Do you recall the days when you thought about how happy you would be to finally have your own apartment, get the attention of that special person, go to university, buy your dream car, land that promotion, or make more money? You were impatient for that happiness. Now you have fuzzy memories about how long you were happy before you realized you were not in perpetual bliss and started to chase the next bright thing.
Think about your last school reunion, when everyone sat around saying, “Remember when! Wasn’t that fun! “ Fond memories of the past reassure us that happiness exists, but also reminds us that moments of pleasure that produce just one aspect of happiness do not linger for extended periods of time. No matter how much of your dreams you achieve, after a happiness fix, it is normal for you to experience restlessness with the present and to imagine seeking a new happiness in the future that would most certainly make you happy. That is normal and it is good. Discontent keeps you motivated. However, you should not be so busy trying to find happiness that you forget to savour it when it does arrive.
Trying to please everybody is not only an impossible mission, while you are trying to take care of everybody else’s needs, who is taking care of yours? No one! That is because nobody knows better than you what you really want and need. If you don’t think about yourself and what you can do to nourish your own well-being toward happiness, nobody else will. Being a little selfish is not always bad. Be nice to yourself; do things that nourish your well-being. As you thrive and feel fulfillment, people around you will also feel better.
Even when we are surrounded by brief moments of pleasure or true happiness, we fail to notice and appreciate them. Like other animals, we are wired with the ability to notice the threatening, scary things in life. You know, the fight or flight response. Sometimes we expose ourselves to too much tragedy and forget to open our eyes to see the small beautiful details of everyday life experiences. Yet, for our well-being we need those positive emotions imprinted on our minds. Seldom do you hear anyone say out loud, “Isn’t this great, right now?” “I’m happy to be alive!” Too often, at the end of the day or the week we know that time has passed, but we have little notion where most of it went, which is sad indeed, because this represents pieces of our precious life that went missing without record or recognition.
Do you let the good moments slip away because you let the tragedy in the news rule your day? Because you are preoccupied by inconsequential things in social media? Do you have a morning coffee with a spouse and spend time thinking about all the things you have to do?
Moments of joy in the simplest of things tell you life is beautiful, you are alive and have this day.
Take a moment to focus on what is around you and what you do each day and week. Some things are more important to your well-being than others. Ask yourself why, and how you can have more of it. Then make sure you choose at least one of the important ones each day to feed your happiness. These simple meaningful moments accumulate – a multitude of them can be impactful. Savour the experiences, share them, take mental photographs. Hoard them all for nourishment.
We envy them their perfect lives, not recognizing that with social media and photo-shopped lives they may not be happy at all. Social media has made everyone accessible for comparison, and never in the history of our species has envy been so out of control. We used to envy a neighbour. Now we get to envy everyone in the world. Yet, what we envy, most of us can do without. We can never truly know another person’s happiness, day to day lives, their past, their pain. We see material possessions or a smiling face on a selfie and can easily be drawn in to assume that another person is happy.
You probably recognize that envy is not particularly pleasant and it is not particularly realistic. You can intellectualize any jealousy, but when you stare at a computer screen or complain about how some people have it all, on an emotional level you risk putting so much energy into envy that you miss seeing what you already have that is more meaningful or significant than what you envy. You are unique, as we all are, so there is no point in comparing yourself to other people. Have faith in your own life journey and work toward achieving your goals. Praise yourself for your achievements, small and large. Think about how far you’ve come, and focus on your life and how to make it better.
We end up aiming for immediate pleasure and minimal pain which is short-term, shallow, and impacts no one else.
We think it is conditioned in external things. We look for happiness in the wrong things and the wrong people. North American culture pushes people to pursue happiness by selling their blueprint for wealth, power, status, consumption, beauty, and glamour. This one simple question, “Do you want to be happy?” is often answered like this: “I want, but…” The answer is conditioned on something the person needs to have or do to be happy. Sadly, too many people do not know that unconditional happiness even exists because they do not know of any other way to live life except through wanting external things.
There is nothing wrong with a beautifully furnished home, the latest gadget, or awesome week-end retreats. The fun or pleasant things do provide a level of contentment, but pleasure fades quickly. You can end up in an endless marathon to fill your life with fun or pleasant things. If you end up shackled to those conditions or lofty goals you may face situations that are out of your control and beyond your capabilities, and you will never know that unconditional happiness exists. Happiness is not found in any blueprint, bank balance, business card title, or mirror. Happiness is not found in fifteen minutes of fame. It has been estimated that our wealth, health, and life circumstances account for only a small percentage (15% to 20%) of life satisfaction.
Clearly the main ingredient in happiness lies in something more meaningful beyond external factors. When you aim for gratification in everything outside of you, you’ll always be chasing, because
You cannot don a super hero costume and role-play your way to happiness, faking it till you make it. Happiness is not on the surface in a permanent state of laughter or pleasure. We fail to understand that it may not be possible to have total happiness in all areas of our life at all times. There is silence in between, and maybe sorrow too. You can be happy and still be comfortable with appropriate moments of fear, sadness and anger.
Sometimes we compare ourselves to others or we may even put our happiness in the hands of another person. Happiness cannot be replicated. There is no blueprint or strict rules. Happiness certainly has no judge. While your friends and family can be a part of your “happiness team”, no other person can do it for you. No one can fill the void or make decisions for you. No one can decide whether your criterion for happiness is worthwhile or not. In fact, your own inner voice is hard enough on you without having to satisfy someone else's standards for happiness. Let your friends live their existence with their meaning of happiness while you live yours being happy with who you are. It is something you live with, so forget what other people expect, and create your own goals.
You may have to make time (days to be entirely on your own, just you and your thoughts) to figure out what you need to fuel your well-being and create your own happiness by doing what feels right to you. If you are single, use the time to rediscover yourself and what you really want from a relationship. If you have a dream, you can determine what steps you need to take to achieve your goals. If you want to make changes in your life, you need determine what behaviours you want to work on improving.
Don’t compare yourself to others. Don't worry about what other people are doing – just focus on what's right for you. Happiness is about learning to trust yourself, trust in your ideas, your thoughts and those feelings that show up pushing you forward in your pursuits.
We muddle the two together, and think we can get them the same way. Sadly, we tend to use the same verb “like” to characterize our preference for nearly all the best things in life. How can we lump a backrub or eating an ice cream cone in summer into the same category as mastering a skill or climbing a mountain? They are not the same. We pursue them and enjoy them differently.
The fun things are not only different from the consequential and gratifying things; the experiences activate different parts of brains! We share momentary pleasures, those of mere sensation, with other classes of animals. However, the contentment we derive from pleasures of the intellect, of feelings and imagination, of moral sentiments, monumental experiences, or having a nurturing connection to another person are classified as distinctly human, and they provide us long-term gratification which is key to flourishing happiness.
Now that you understand why happiness may seem so elusive, you can begin to adopt opposite beliefs and behaviors that will more positively influence your well-being and happiness. There is a lot of research to point you in the right direction as to what will help your life to flourish and bring you happiness.
You may not yet have experienced all that is best in life for you. One thing is certain, what is best in life for you is elemental to your well-being. More importantly it is deeply personal. What works to bring life satisfaction for another person may not work for you. Only you can distinguish between your higher gratifying experiences and lower pleasures to determine where your own appreciation and contentment lie. Only you know what produces the greatest amount of long-term good feeling, what makes you flourish as a person, and what gives meaning to your life.
