For many of that it is difficult to know our fundamental nature. We are born, conditioned by our parents and society to be a
certain way. We force ourselves to do
things to be accepted by parents, friends, our spouse, peers or society. We do what is deemed “best for you” by others
to complete our education and get a job. In fear of being judged we suppress our desires
and aspirations. We dedicate long hours to corporations and deprive
ourselves the freedom to do what we truly want to do with our lives.
No amount of wealth, education, respect, or possessions will
satisfy the longings that are deep within us. Until we find the courage to delve into our own yearnings, what matters
to our inner core, we cannot know what it is like to experience and enjoy a fulfilled
life.
If you seek inner peace or longing for something greater, but have not found it, you may be ready to embark on a journey of self-discovery. Let's explore what that means and how you can achieve it.
Self-discovery is partially about understanding your personality type, mental capabilities, and passions. Self-discovery goes way deeper to other significant aspects of your life such as figuring out what motivates you or your life's purpose or what you need in relationships. It is about exploring and observing your own life to gain a deep understanding of your fundamental nature. It is an understanding of that part of your
mind that influences how you think, feel, and act.
That kind of raw
awareness only happens through reflecting with intention and honesty on the
inner forces that drive your behaviors.
Do you take the time to
think about yourself on this level? Most
of us don’t.
We skim the surface of
our thoughts, emotions and decisions. We follow the opinions of family, friends, coworkers, neighbours, rather than determining how we feel personally, or seriously reflecting on our priorities, what is at the root of our discomfort, or what drives our behaviours or aspirations.
Yet, that should be our main
focus, because there is a partnership that exists between the inner forces that
drive human nature and the outer self that has to balance work, school, family, and a social life. When the
partnership works there is a balance between the subconscious and conscious
which is the foundation of mental, physical and spiritual health. There is a strong connection between living
in accordance with our character strengths and flourishing in a state of
happiness. When we are alienated from
that fundamental part of ourselves we cannot nourish what is at our core. We let the best parts of us atrophy or wither
away.
Do you understand the underpinnings of how
you think, feel, and act? We ask,
because self-discovery is about knowing that what you are
at your core is the real you that matters. It knowing the real you apart
from your work, home, or environment.
You look inside yourself to pinpoint the emotions, motivations, and
triggers that initiate both your positive and negative feelings. You delve into
your signature strengths so you can use them to raise your well-being.
It is not easy to become
an observer of your own life. It is not
easy to examine your thoughts, emotions, aspirations, milestones, achievements,
tendencies, and decisions to untangle how one level of thought influences the
other.
Asking self discovery questions can be an
empowering way to challenge your beliefs, gain clarity on your life’s
path, and apply creative solutions to the challenges you face.
Let’s start with some
basic facts to understand why it is not easy to look inward.
Your Brain is in Charge of an Intricate Network
Your brain in command of everything – absolutely
everything. Your brain is
extraordinarily vigilant and diligent, synchronizing and directing an intimate,
complex network of processes that keeps you alive and your synapses firing. Your brain is in command of your conscious
mind, subconscious mind and unconscious mind.
Even more amazing are the intricacies of your brain that are stimulated
for learning, reasoning, emotions, creativity, intelligence. Your brain is in command of everything that
is interesting about you: memories, dreams, emotions, passions, thoughts,
experiences, imagination, and personality.
There is no idea, decision, or behaviour that is outside the control of
your brain. Just think how intricately
and quickly your brain works to mastermind your survival, influence your movements
and what you think.
Your Conscious Mind
Your brain is in control
of your conscious mind. These are all
the thoughts and actions within your awareness.
That is how you brew and enjoy the aroma of your morning coffee,
untangle a knot and bundle up rubbish for the garbage bin.
Your Subconscious Mind
It is in charge of your
preconscious or subconscious mind.
Anything that could potentially be brought into the conscious mind is
stored in your preconscious mind.
Your Subconscious Mind
It is in charge of your
preconscious or subconscious mind.
Anything that could potentially be brought into the conscious mind is
stored in your preconscious mind.
Researchers
have shown that we think more than 50,000 thoughts per day. Your subconscious processes every
thought and passes on information to your conscious mind that is relevant
for you in this very moment. Science
shows that every second the brain processes more than 100 million
connections through the senses.
Your subconscious constantly monitors the information and is alert
for dangers and opportunities.
Your Unconscious mind
Your brain in charge of
your unconscious mind which is your reservoir of feelings, thoughts, urges, and
memories that are outside of your conscious awareness. Unlike your subconscious this depository is
largely inaccessible no matter how hard you try. For example, the first word you learned to
say, or how it felt to be able to walk on our own.
Your brain maintains a
steady flow of communication between your conscious and subconscious and
unconscious. This is the basis of the
partnership we mentioned a few paragraphs earlier. When the partnership works there is a balance
between the subconscious and conscious which is the foundation of mental,
physical and spiritual health. When you
are self-aware the input the conscious you receive through your subconscious
allows you to think, feels and acts in harmony with the inner forces that drive
your thoughts, emotions and decisions.
Your job is to nurture
the partnership between the conscious you and the subsconscious you. That means you have to understand the
fundamental aspects of that part of you.
Maintaining that delicate balance lifts your energy, empowers you to
live with passion and purpose, make life decisions with confidence, and have
respect for yourself and with others.
That’s how you live true to yourself.
The partnership works and
there is balance. The conscious you understands the information it is receiving
and will think and act more effectively. It is this awareness of behaviors,
feelings, or ideas that add meaning to your life and make you distinct from
others.
Your brain processes
conscious thoughts much slower than preconscious and unconscious thoughts. Therefore, the conscious you may be reacting
to those unconscious thoughts and not know why.
That what happens when you are unaware of what underpins those inner
forces. You will not be alert to the
input you receive through your senses.
You will not understand the basis of your emotions.
Self-awareness allows you
to nurture the partnership.
This communication
between the subconscious and conscious is a powerful tool when you learn how interpret
and stimulate the communication. To do
that you have to know two other very important things about your brain.
What a conundrum! You want a healthy brain working at peak
performance. You want harmony between
the inner forces that drive your nature and your outer self. All the while your brain is trying to lull
you into complacency.
Even if your comfort zone
is a happy place, if you fall into the complacency trap, your brain becomes
bored and sluggish from not being challenged; it may work less effectively,
quickly, or sharply. In key situations,
complacency can lead to mediocrity; mediocrity leads to uninspired,
unremarkable, and forgettable performance.
You can lose your ability to see things from a different perspective or
appreciate all the many facets of your life.
When these things happen that comfort zone can become a stressful
place. Your brain doesn’t like stress
either.
There are parts of your
conscious and subconscious brain that know that you are capable of more. Your brain needs a push out of the
comfort zone.
When you are out of your
comfort zone you know the feeling. Your
brain reacts by raising anxiety and generating a stress response. That is a good thing. In fact, a great thing! It means you have entered an enhanced level
of concentration which can create an ideal brain "performance
zone". Of course this is important
in several situations that call for alertness, attentiveness, creativity,
applying skills, etc.
Stepping out of your
comfort zone is even more significant in self-discovery and becoming more
self-aware. When you delve into your
internal thoughts, emotions and decisions to reflect seriously on “what” they
mean or “what” drives your motivations you can gain such an understanding that
the performance zone is where your conscious and subconscious work in
harmony. You not only achieve that
desirable balance that the unconscious you and conscious you require for
mental, physical and spiritual well-being, more consistently you will
experience a feeling of energized focus, full involvement, and enjoyment in
everything you do. Self-awareness only
happens through spending time in self-reflection.
Self-reflection, self-discovery, introspection - these exists more as a concept that is understood in theory rather than
in practice.
1. Firstly, knowledge is not
insight. Insight is your ability to
step outside your experiences and go beyond the surface level of that person in
the mirror to examine your internal thoughts, emotions, desires, and decisions
for a rawer understanding of you.
2. Self-reflection
means setting aside time to look both more deeply into yourself—and more broadly at the external forces that are shaping your life. It is taking time to make sense of a situation, identify and distill
what you learn, develop your own judgement, and figure out your own
passions.
3. Self-reflection is not
one task, that when completed you can know yourself objectively and with
finality. It is an ongoing practice, a lifelong journey, because you are not a thing with fixed
boundaries of existence.
Everything
about you is continually adapting to changing circumstances in an ever-changing
world. Every new day brings you new
opportunities to broaden your horizons, gain new strengths and nurture new
relationships. Every new experience is
an occasion for reflection and insight.
4. Maybe the most significan aspect of self-discovery is not the process or just knowing your true self. The key is remembering who you are at your best.
Our digital world
provides lots of Q and A’s, but it will not disentangle the answers you
need. You can only find the answers
within yourself. On your journey to self-discovery you will use the practice of self-reflection to unveil your self-defining moments. Self-reflection is a process that
should not be undertaken erratically. You start with legitimate intent and a willingness to be honest.
Ask yourself “what” questions and find good
answers.
When we ask “why” we
focus on the mistake which opens ourselves to negative, suspicious, or critical
thoughts, that can be depressing and unproductive. Highly self-aware people ask, “What?” because
it provides more productive focus on objectives and future goals rather than
mistakes. Asking “what” guides you to
recognizing factors that may be outside your control and may not align with
your personal values or passions. This
leads to you being able to strategize how to fix situations rather than
ruminate on “whoa is me” negatives.
Introspection leads to clarity of thought of
who you are now and who you’d like to become which helps you identify the steps
you need to engage that aspect of your life's journey.
Every day, we are
reminded of what else is out in the world, what others have that should covet,
or what others think. Self-reflection is not intended to be judgemental, not intended to focus on disappointment
or the negative things that happen. It
is equally significant to ponder on progress, milestones, achievement, or
anything – no matter how small – that brings you contentment or gratification.
Just because you engage
in self-reflection doesn’t mean the world will change or problems will go away,
but it can certainly help in your ability to manage issues and stay true to
what brings you fulfillment in life.
Everything you want to learn about yourself is
there, like an open book, ready to be read.
You may actually discover some divergent view of yourself that you never
considered. In having recognized the failing
of others, it may never have occurred to you that you have similar weaknesses. You may discover biases you do not like. In being honest you may have to admit that you
have had a distorted view of yourself or that you have been wearing a mask because you want people to view you a particular way.
When you understand yourself, you can throw the masks away, make your new knowledge work for you as empowering tools that enhance your emotional well-being and
and help you make the important decisions in your life.
Want to get out of your
comfort zone? Here are twelve questions
or prompts to jumpstart your journey of self-discovery. This type of self-reflection is not
something you can delve into during one coffee break. Quick
yes or no answers are not insightful or motivating. Each question has many facets. We encourage you to go through the questions
slowly and deliberately. Do not fret
about what is the “right” answer, because there are no right answers. No one else needs to answer or read
them. Just you! Just be honest.
Think seriously about
your heartfelt answers and what they honestly imply about your life. Ask one question per day. Should a question make you feel
uncomfortable, it is probably an indication that the subject requires closer
self-examination to determine what that discomfort means for you.
One question may inspire
you to ask a thought-provoking question of your own. Make every attempt to make it a “What”
question.
Think of some questions
that you want to ask yourself daily, weekly, or monthly to initiate
self-reflection and assessment. You
could perform a monthly review of fitness, family, love life, career, hobbies,
or education to remind yourself about what really matters. Every night before going
to bed you might ask yourself:
When you keep an inner
commentary going on in your head over a particular event or interaction take
the time to find out what exactly it is about that particular incident that
stresses you out or excites you.
Don’t forget to voice
your questions and answers aloud from time to time. Hearing your voice is a great way to bring
your thoughts into consciousness and also help your to grasp their
impact.
You can go through life moving from one thing to the next, never pausing to consider the value of a decision or to gain a deeper understanding of your life. A journey into self-discovery is your opportunity for an in-depth examination of every area of your life. You ask yourself questions, consider what you are doing and how that has a bearing on what really matters in your life. You discover who you are at your best!
Moving forward, when you engage in introspection on a regular basis you are basically having a conversation with oneself. It is your opportunity to examine the high points in your life so that you can create more of them because that is what makes life worth living.
