Many of us rarely take
time out from our harried schedules to become observers of our own lives and
who we are being. We get bogged down in
daily activities and do not make it a priority to determine what makes us happy
and what gives us authentic purpose.
It requires
self-awareness to identify what aspects of your life may not align with your
authentic self. Self-awareness is about being
in tune with what you know and understand about your own character, feelings,
motives and desires. In your reach for
authenticity and living a meaningful life, acquiring self-awareness is one of
the biggest gifts you can give yourself.
This is by no means saying that you look inward because something is
broken and needs fixing or that you need to change your life. You look inward to get to know the “true you”
to better understand how to live your life more authentically.
Each moment in your life is an opportunity to be introspective and listen to your inner voice.
There are two broad categories of self-awareness: internal self-awareness and external self-awareness.
Internal self-awareness leads to understanding with clarity why you think or feel a certain way. When you feel off-kilter, anxious or angry it could be because you haven’t taken an inside look at what makes you feel that way.
External self-awareness is your ability to clearly see how other people perceive you, your attitude and responses to them as individuals. Are you aware of how your tone of voice or choice of words affects other people? External self-awareness typically allows you to be more empathetic which is reflected in your abilities as a leader and in maintaining stronger relationships.
Think of yourself as a garden, but imagine that up until now you are unaware if the garden is thriving or barely surviving.
The reason you do not know is because you do not know enough about the plants and flowers that grow there, or the garden in general. You do not know which plants grow where, how big and beautiful the plants might grow or what bears fruit, because you have never actually learned about their nature. Despite their importance, you do not even know their names! You’ve never looked closely at the leaves, petals, or the soil. You do not know if the plants self-seed, require pruning, need more sunlight, nutrients, or extra water. There could be an infestation of weeds choking the roots or pests chewing away at the leaves and blossoms. Maybe you need more bees and butterflies to visit. The soil could be leeched dry of nutrients and cracked from lack of moisture. The fact is you have never been curious or taken the time to explore the various pathways in the garden to enjoy it or seek out the mysteries and marvelous secrets hidden there.
Your lack of knowledge about the garden could be due to your innocence, naivety, or inexperience. Maybe you got preoccupied and knowing or the needs of the garden were not high on your list of priorities. But, now you learn that your happiness may depend on your knowledge of that garden. You really want to care about the garden, and you should because it is after all the essence of you. Do you take the time to get to know every facet of that garden and become an expert on what is best for the garden itself? Do you delve into the mysteries and secrets that allow the garden to flourish beyond your wildest imagination? Or do you let the garden become a victim of the weeds, pests, and elements? We can count on you concentrating on the garden because it is one of the keys to your happiness?
When you decide to become more self-aware, you choose to see just the real you, apart from your work, home, or environment. You look inside yourself to pinpoint the emotions, motivations, and triggers that initiate both your positive and negative feelings.
Seriously, how often do you just sit and ponder the truth that is within you. Is it possible that you get so preoccupied with what others are thinking and doing that you fail to do yourself justice. Are you letting your awareness muscle atrophy by not recognizing yourself as a source of insight? When you are faced with an issue do you use Google or social media as your go-to guide for answers? Do you look to become more like heroes and business leaders who relate success stories?
Think about it. Knowledge is not insight. Insight is your ability to make sense of a situation, identify and distill what you learn, develop your own judgement, and figure out your own passions. While many iconic leaders have achieved great things, should your goals be about what is outwardly displayed by them? Instead of being preoccupied with one-click answers, carve out some time to listen to your inner voice. Your goal is actually simple – to be the best version of yourself.
Your self-awareness is not fixed. As you develop your personal character strengths, various abilities, and knowledge of the world, you will also always enhance your self-awareness to discover something interesting and exciting about yourself.
Each moment in your life is an opportunity to be introspective and listen to your inner voice. The insights you gain matter to everything you do, every relationship you have, how you feel about yourself, how these things ultimately affect you as well as others, and how you take responsibility for your positive emotions, your flaws and problems, and most importantly improve what matters to you and help you grow as an individual.
Give serious thought to these next self-examination exercises and questions about your self-awareness. As you do think how just one aspect of any relationship or one part of your day could be better or easier if you decided to apply just five minutes of more self-awareness to your daily interactions.
Self-Examination Exercise #1
While other people are talking, do you frequently interrupt to share your own ideas? Do you constantly think ahead to how you will share your own stories? If you’re like a lot of social people, the answer is probably yes.
The purpose of conversation is to engage with another person or establish common ground. To do that we do have to share a bit about ourselves. However, when you focus on what you want to say it diverts your attention away from the present. It reduces your ability to listen, understand, and be sensitive to another person. Not only that, often the other person can detect your distraction in your non-verbal body language cues. When you do not take the time to truly listen, you can lose many good rewarding opportunities for meaningful conversation.
Self-Examination Exercize #2
Consider whether or not you tend to analyze people or diagnose their problems for them without their encouragement or request.
When we have an insight into what has helped us to make sense of the world, we are eager to share it. When you do this without being prompted, to the other person it may not feel good. No matter how valid it feels to voice this insight, the other person can feel like you are identifying something about them that is wrong, and they may not necessarily agree.
Can you define your personal values or moral compass? People can live in disarray because they are unaware of their internal moral compass. They make choices that conflict with their personal values and it affects their emotions and ability to flourish. Learn More about Personal Values
Self-Examination Exercise #3
For this exercise, you need only to ask yourself two things? Can I read another person’s mind? Do I know what the future holds.
We get so comfortable with ourselves, we tend to lose the ability to see things from a different perspective. We can never know or understand everything, and we are certainly not the judge of what is right for another person. We have to trust that sometimes others know themselves and their lives better than we ever could.
Allow that you do not know everything. Listen with the awareness that you might learn something new. Be open to the fact that what you thought was set in stone may, in fact, be changeable. Let what you do not know and cannot know be a source of encouragement rather than something to fear, because it means that anything is possible.
Self-Examination Exercise #4
Spend time with yourself in silence. It is exceedingly difficult to self-reflect when you are distracted by a television, phone, or friends. Practice mindfulness. Mindfulness allows you to be present with yourself and observe your thoughts in a non-judgemental way. What better way to become self-aware than focusing, non-judgementally, on you?
Self-Examination Exercise #5
In trying to impress others, is it possible that you may have been trying to cover up your weaknesses? Are you afraid to admit a mistake. Sooner or later the truth comes out, so ask yourself if you want to continue to live in disguise and be labeled as unaccountable, fraudulent, or untrustworthy?
Everyone is afraid of judgement. It's how you respond that matters. Next time you make an error, just say so. It takes but a few seconds to say, “My bad,” or “I misjudged the situation,” and move on since there are many more minutes and hours in the day to deal with. Work and relationships are complicated enough, why add more obstacles like lies or guilt!
Self Examination Exercise #6
Can you look at your feelings and behaviours from a third-person perspective and then make rational judgements on them? Make lists, a balance sheet, or a chart of your abilities, character strengths, weaknesses, limitations, liabilities, and problem behaviours.
Self-Examination Exercize #7
Anytime you make an important decision, assess it by noting your thoughts and motivations during the decision-making process.
Self-Examination Exercize #8
Stop asking why! When we ask “why” we focus on the mistake which opens ourselves to negative, suspicious, or critical thoughts, that can be depressing and unproductive.
Ask yourself “what” questions and find good answers.
Highly self-aware people ask, “What?” because it provides more productive focus on objectives and future goals rather than mistakes. Asking “what” guides you to recognizing factors that may be outside your control and may not align with your personal values or passions. This leads to you being able to strategize how to fix situations rather than ruminate on “whoa is me” negatives.
Self-awareness is crucial to creating more opportunities to enhance those things that matter most to you. Without self-awareness, proficiency in the most other competencies becomes difficult to deploy consistently. As you become more self-aware, you’ll be able to reach a new level of contentment. Self-awareness helps you manage your emotions better, helps you become a better leader, improve relationships and develop the uniqueness that gives your life more meaning.
