Are you the individual that has personal or organizational courage and is able to voice your opinion on issues without involving personalities?
Do you fear conflict or avoid it at all costs? If you have never learned how to engage in meaningful or healthy conflict, you may think of any controversy as scary, harmful, and hurtful. Avoiding the conflict and venting to others tends to escalate the conflict and it can fuel the rumor mill which may already be part of the conflict.
Have you witnessed or been involved in constructive conflict resolution and gained valuable insight from the experience? Do you have a strategy to resolve controversy with people in the workplace?
If you work in a complex work environments dealing with a workplace that is seething with hostility and negativity can be a major challenge. How you effectively address negative conflict depends on whether you control it or not, and if you are able to identify how the conflict originated.
If you are a manager or owner of the business, unresolved, ongoing or destructive conflict can cost you in terms of productivity, sick leave, long-term disability claims, employee resourcefulness, and employee turnover. It is your responsibility to make the atmosphere more positive, productive, supportive and safe for everyone. The timeliness of your intervention is important to prevent violence, promote workplace safety, and maintain positive employee morale.
The intricate nature of today’s workplace – competing demands, fast-paced environment, global opportunities, and all the aspects of the workplace that keep evolving – makes the environment challenging and conflict probable. Conflict is sure to happen in the workplace. It is a natural part of workplace life. When individuals work closely together in confined spaces where they have a complex demanding work environments they are bound to have differences on an intellectual and emotional level. People have different backgrounds, personalities, work styles. Their differences can stimulate and inspire them to creatively meet the workplace challenges in innovative ways, but these same differences can also get in the way of how people manage their time and complete their tasks as well as affect how they work together or even how they cope with their own personalities.
There are two kinds of conflict – appropriate conflict and inappropriate conflict.
Appropriate Conflict in the Workplace
Appropriate conflict includes: challenging a bad boss, lobbying passionately for change, a cause or belief, dealing with difficult colleagues, bringing important differences to any discussion, and speaking up to disagree or propose a different approach even in the face of pressure from the group to agree.
Inappropriate Conflict in the Workplace
Because conflict triggers strong emotions and because people tend to respond to conflict based on their perceptions, minor disagreements can escalate to inappropriate conflict: incessant bickering, complaining, deceptive ploys, gossiping, or a loud fracas. Sometimes, the parties on either side of a conflict can feel demoralized, humiliated, fearful, vulnerable, powerless, or in jeopardy. Left unaddressed, the conflict usually escalates. In most workplace conflicts, people do not set out to cause problems, but gossip, bullying and harassment do exist and can go from bad to worse and cause lasting personal harm.
We would like to explore two strategies for approaching conflict with confidence and calm. The first strategy is one you can employ when you are the person in a position of authority and in control. The other works when you are not in control.
We would like to explore two strategies for approaching conflict with confidence and calm. The first strategy is one you can employ when you are the person in a position of authority and in control. The other works when you are not in control.
When you are in control:
1. Listen. People may just need a sounding board. Before respond or you jump to conclusions or make decisions listen to their concerns. Your response to the conflict can escalate or decrease the intensity of the problem.
2. Model neutral language. When people are in conflict they use inflammatory language such as profanity, name calling, and exaggerations that escalate the conflict. Restate inflammatory language in a more objective way to help make the information less emotionally laden and more useful for future discussions.
3. Separate the person from the problem. View the problem as a specific behavior or set of circumstances rather than attributing negative feelings to the whole person. This approach makes the problem more manageable.
4. Communicate before an issue escalates. When decisions are made that may impact employees, provide the rationale for decisions. Explain corporate thinking and the events that are responsible for the negative circumstances. Sharing everything you know about a situation helps people to understand. It builds trust thus opening the door to better communication.
5. When faced with conflict, determine the underlying cause.
6. If the underlying cause is difficult to identify, form a problem solving team. Include the employees who are closest to the conflict in the process of identifying all the possible causes of the conflict.
7. Develop an action plan.
8. Always communicate as much information as you can about the issues and the solutions.
9. Implement the solutions quickly.
10, Always follow up.
11. Maintain confidentiality.
Conflict resolution is a not just one skill but a combination of different skills working together. Since conflict exists in our world, it would do every one of us well to become skilled in the art of negotiation, conflict resolution, or engaging in meaningful conflict with professional courage.
You might consider exploring our long form resources that details the skills you need:
Meaningful Workplace Conflict Resolution Strategies
Learn more about of Harm Caused by Exclusionary Behaviors and Cliques in the Workplace
If you are an employee who is experiencing the impact of decisions or issues that are out of your control, you may not be able to resolve the negative conflict, but you do have control over how you handle the negativity and the conflict.
There is no environment or relationship that is free of conflict. As long as we have differences in personality traits, backgrounds, upbringing, childhood experiences, and workplace goals, conflict is sure to happen. It is how you approach and deal with conflict can build trust and strengthen workplace or personal relationships.
The next sections: Practice Professional Courage will explain some key pointers on how to deal with and resolve personal conflict before it spirals out of control.
Another Break Through Article “ Your Sensory Rescue Kit ” is another resource that may prove beneficial in dealing with controversy
You have a Built-In Alarm System
Conflict is stressful. A stressful incident makes your heart pound and breath quicken. Your muscles get tense and beads of sweat appear. This combination of reactions to stress is also known as the "fight-or-flight" response. It is your brain’s built-in alarm system. If your brain continues to perceive something as stressful or even dangerous, it releases the cortisol hormone that works to control your mood, motivation and fear. This means that when conflict presents itself, you do have a warning signal.
When the Warning Buzzes, how do you Respond?
When conflict looms, how do you respond? Think about how you have approached conflict in the past. If you are not happy with your approach or style of behaving when you encounter stressful situations with people let’s explore a new strategy for dealing with conflict.
When you are involved in a conflict it is easy to become emotional and fall victim to common decision making errors. Once that happens it is like being trapped in a tangle of barbed wire as the conflict escalates. It is better to approach conflict with confidence and calm.
You notice when your stomach growls to tell you should get a bite to eat; you sense the odor of a skunk in your vicinity. Your brain sets of a similar alarm when you have a stressful situation. At the point you sense the warning is when you must decide how you will act. It is an alarm bell, not a catastrophe, unless you allow it to get out of control.
You Must Decide to Take the Lead
Note we said act, not react. There is freedom in not being on the defensive. You make the decision to assume control of how you will act. This approach has one directive:
Decide in advance that you will respond in healthy ways when you become personally involved in a disagreement or clash with a coworker, client, or manager.
Put into other words, your goal is to adjust your attitude toward conflict and shift your perspective to see conflict as something more purposeful beyond the doom and gloom of seeing it as an ending.
Focus on the Future.
In conflict we tend to remember every single thing that ever bothered us about that person. People in conflict need to vent about the pastm but they often dwell on the past which is not how one should deal with conflict. Often the best way to take ownership of the problem is to recognize that regardless of what happened in the past, you need to create a plan to address the present conflict and get on with what is happening in your life at work and home.
Since conflict is unavoidable you will encounter family, friends, or colleagues who are experiencing their own kind of conflict. You may be their sounding board. You have to check your emotions because your do not want escalate the intensity of the problem. At the same time you do not want to diminish the person's feelings nor minimize what could be a serious situation.
To be calming agent, provide an objective or neutral point of view. You may not be able to achieve a resolution, but you can help the other person gain perspective and a more composed approach so they can make sound decisions.
Once your decision is made, you can shift your attitude and count on these three purposeful tactics to solidify your resolve to be calm and respond in healthy ways:
1. Conflict is not an obstacle! It is my attitude to conflict that is essentially the problem.
2. Conflict resolution is my priority!
Consider whether the issue is really worth your time and energy. Ask yourself:, “Is it really important to win or “be right” in the current situation?” Instead of arguing or trying to convince anyone of anything, simply let others know what your thoughts are, and that is it. Do not judge or generalize. Of course, this approach works in your personal relationships with loved ones or friends, too.
If you are unable to come to an agreement, at least agree to disagree and be respectful of the other person and his or her viewpoint. Besides, if you allow the other person to win the argument, the dispute is over so much faster. Focus on life’s bigger issues and “put today’s concerns into context.” Always be polite and helpful to your subordinates as well as your bosses. Respect and acknowledge the positions, roles and duties of others.
3. Conflict is an opportunity for me to grow!
Conflict is a call for change or adjustment. Some changes do not happen except through conflicts. Therefore, you must not just go through conflict, you must grow through conflict.
Let us look at conversation as an example of a way to grow through conflict: Imagine that you have an unplanned difficult conversation. You feel a surge of emotion afterward. It might be a boost to your confidence if it went well. Possibly, you feel regret or shame if the conversation went poorly. After such encounters, it is wise to reflect and learn from your experiences, trying to identify ways of improving future unplanned difficult conversations.
In conflict, defensive walls prevent you from listening and understanding. It is certainly much more purposeful to view growth as a way of learning more in order to resolve conflict than giving up or becoming uncontrollably upset. When conflict looms you might say, “There goes my brain releasing those cortizol hormones again. What will I learn or understand today?” This perspective allows you to view conflict with a sense of anticipation rather than gauge it as a threat.
When conflict looms it is not always easy to turn emotions on and off. Here are some ideas to shift your perspective to see conflict as something more purposeful beyond the doom and gloom of seeing it as an ending?
Ask yourself these questions to shift your own perspective:
“What do I believe is an acceptable outcome for the other party?”
“Did I check my ego at the door?”
“Am I being polite? Using appropriate language?”
“Am I keeping my eye on the big picture?”
“I really doubt that I can do anything about this, right now. What is one small step I might take to calm the situation?”
“What small part of that might I work on now, that will leave me feeling a bit more happy?”
“I was able to achieve a similar goal in the past. How might I use that approach now?”
“They don’t seem to like me. What do I like about myself?”
“I’m such a perfectionist. How might being a perfectionist help me through this moment?”
“This always seems to happen to me. Perhaps it’d would be useful to explore how I somehow do this to myself too?”
Stand apart to view the situation which will help you work through how you feel, what the specific problem is and what real or serious impact it is having on you.
View the situation you are facing as a puzzle to solve. What are the possibilities? What are your choices? What triggered the conflict? Who am I really angry with? What am I afraid of losing? What am I not getting that I really want?
Imagine how a strong leader – someone you admire – might handle this situation. Would they use humour? Would they sit back and simply do a lot of listening first?
Another tool that is helpful when you experience stress: How to Use your Sensory Rescue Kit in Stressful Situations
Many relationships, marriages, partnerships, and alliances are ruined because the parties involved are too impatient to “allow conflicts to grow them”.
Conflict tests you to grow outside your comfort zone. There is fear in conflict that stems from the stress of the conflict itself. There is also that element of the unknown, not quite sure if you want to be outside your comfort zone, not sure if you will lose control or lose something you hold dear. Every time you venture out of your comfort to learn and experience new things your fear zone gets smaller and your growth zones expands stretching into your performance zone. The performance zone is where you become a better leader and better human being:
Here's how:
As a small business owner
you should assess whether you are sourcing enough good ideas from outside your
immediate think group. The more ideas generated, the greater the chance of
finding innovative ways to combine them into something new.
Inspiration can strike when you least expect it, but that is rather an inefficient way to drive innovation and creativity. Want a do-it-yourself approach to decision-making and problem solving? Try one of these brainstorming techniques to develop your ideas.
Professionalism is what you do visibly that impresses and inspires others and what you do behind the scenes – integrity, self-regulation, conscientiousness – that allows you to fulfill your role to the best of your ability and gives you a sense of satisfaction and self-worth.
When you are overworked and under pressure, try these two super easy-to-implement strategies to fend off procrastination. They can be completed quickly and more importantly they work best to set the tone for an excellent day.
Kindness should extend to our colleagues and work family. In the workplace, kindness is a catalyst that helps to build trust, drives morale, improves well-being, engagement, and productivity. Kindness makes you feel good and that is a good way to spend your day.
As a professional, you want to get the job done – and done well. You do what is necessary to produce results that exceed expectations. You recognize whatever you do to keep advancing personally and professionally also helps your business to thrive.
